I’ve been debating on weather or not I would share this with anyone.
I decided that I would not share it with anyone face to face, but it’s
taring me up inside. So I’ll share it here, but please never ask me about it.
December 31st 2016. I was late getting up at the shelter.
I was about to leave for the day when I heard someone
crying in the men’s room.
I walked slowly there and looked inside to
see my friend John ***** sitting on the shower bench sobbing
his eyes out. I coughed to let him know that someone was there.
“Oh hey..” he said, wiping his eyes.
“What’s wrong, Johnny?” I asked him.
“Nothing?” I said.
“Oh…well…today is national crying day, so…”
“National, what?” I asked.
“Yeah, you’re supposed to cry for seven minutes today, so…”
“Oh…” I said, only half believing him.
Long story short, he went on about it and convinced me.
So I ended up leaving him there…
I went online later and looked it up and found nothing about
a national crying day. I got concerned.
After doing what I had to do that day, I went back to the shelter and looked
for Johnny. He was not there.
I hung out at the place all day waiting for him.
He did not show up.
Ten pm was lights out and I went to my bunk…
I stayed up until 2017 and then went to bed…
I was woken up at around 4am instead of the usual 6am.
The only other times that that had happened when was someone in the shelter had
died. Two times someone overdosed and the other time was a health related issue….
This was no different.
Someone had died…an overdose, I heard…
The next day Johnny was no where to be found.
January 2nd I checked my facebook messages and found one from him…
It was a suicide note with a personal note attached to it.
Basically he thanked me for checking on him that day
and apologized for lying to me.
He said that his suicide had nothing to do with me specifically
and that I was one of his few true friends these days.
He messaged me hours before he took his own life…
He died some time between midnight and 4am on new years day.
I will never celebrate New Years again.
I don’t really feel responsible for what happened to Johnny,
but in someways I do.